I'm a Believer <>< (Extended Edition)

I'm searching for a word
Looking through the songs
Maybe a rhyme
Just to right the wrongs

A message in the sky
Maybe a sign from above
Noah had it right
Where's my branch and my dove?

Ask the non-believers
They're havin' a fit.
They look at my people
One word: hypocrite.

Saturday night;
"Hey they're playing my song!"
All seven deadly sins
Playing all night long.

Sunday morning
and it's a different story
Wake up just in time
To sing to His Glory.

Sit in the pews
Bow your head
Ask for forgiveness
...And do it all again.

Monday comes
You're back at work
Talk about the new girl
And how your boss is a jerk.

Chrome fish on your car
A Bible on your shelf
Grace before dinner
Yet you ask yourself:

Who am I really?
Why am I here?
If you'd crack open that Bible,
You'd find it's clear.

You're here to Live for Him
Because He died you you,
You're here to show people
Just what His love can do.

"Let your light so shine..."
See your way through the dark
Know that you're His
He lives in your heart.

To the non-believers;
I pray for you
Because I know that
My God loves you too.
(-June 14, 2010)

To all of you
It starts today.
I'm looking at the future,
And for this I pray:


That you stand for what's right,
Not afraid to take the lead.
Your life may be the only Bible
That some people read.


That no matter what happens
You remember Him.
Lord in your name I pray,
and play,
Amen.
(-July 12, 2010)

The Landscape(s) of My Mind.

In the last couple of years, I've had some of the darkest times of my life. I have felt so alone, alienated, betrayed, and sad that quite literally nothing seemed to matter. I could stare into dark space for hours. Words running through my mind, names of people who had wronged me, messages of self loathing, and yes, even some thoughts of self-harm. The first time I experienced this, it lasted for about 3 months, the last time; it only lasted for a couple of weeks. I've come to the conscious decision: I am never going back to that place again. The only way I feel I can get people to understand, is to describe to them the difference in the "landscape" of my mind.

Let me set the scene for you.

Most days, it's what I consider the perfect day. Around 55-60 degrees (just chilly enough for a hoodie), and it's breezy. I'm on a path, often one that's man-made after years of wondering. There are trees on both sides, and the sun hits them in such a way that the dying leaves of autumn are a rich golden hue. As I walk down the path, I do nothing but soak in the awe-striking beauty of nature. The most beautiful shades of green, yellow, blue, and red. Colors so crisp that only God could have created them. There's music; there's always music. Often times though, the music has no lyrics. Sometimes I find myself stopping and listening for the lyrics, just knowing that the hidden words are the answers to my questions, my predicaments, even my problems.

However.

There were days when it was dreary out. The temperature was about the same, but with no wind. No movement of any kind really. It looked like the very end of autumn. There were no leaves on the trees, yet there wasn't any evidence that they had fallen either. The grass was a pale shade of green, there was hardly sign of life at all. There was barely any color. But the worst part was; the music was gone. I would wonder around, but I didn't get anywhere. More than sad, it was frustrating.