Those of you who know me; I know what you're thinking: Emily must be with a new guy. (rolling eyes). Ok, yes, that's true. And, yes, he does add to this new jubilation. However, he isn't the sole cause.
Over the past couple of months, I've dealt with shitty relationship situations. From friends, to "interests," to rejection, to betrayal, to pain, and everything in between. I was slipping back into this place of sadness, where frankly, I never want to be again. But like the like the lucky few of us who are put in that situation, I had someone throw me a line.
I had a friend who, from the beginning of this mess, in July 2009, told me that I had to create my own happiness. I took it as, Ok, I have to go out and make friends. That wasn't it, not really. She repeated; "You have to create your own happiness." Ok, happiness isn't something that's going to fall into my lap, I have to work for it. And I did, but that just left me exhausted, not to mention trying way too hard. She repeated the lesson a third time. And as much as I hate to say it (because the dregree of cliche is obnoxious) the third time was the charm! I finally realized that what I was relying on, was the exact thing that was hurting me the entire time. I felt like such a fool, that I hadn't seen it before.
I had to create my own happiness. A happiness that was for me, created by me, dependent upon myself only. I had to decide that I was going to be happy, and that I was going to have to rely solely on myself, because, like I had learned, sometimes you don't have anyone else.
More coming soon, but I need sleep. Slepp right now, will make me happy :)
Good night everyone :)
Always,
Emily.
